Прэтчетт Терри

Песня про Ёжика

Терри ПРЭТЧЕТТ

Песня про Ёжика

Можно трахнуть медведя суровой зимой, Когда мишка в берлоге храпит под сосной. Не советую этого делать весной, Ну, а ёжика вовсе не пробуй, друг мой.

Можно трахнуть коня, можно трахнуть осла, (Пони жалко: уж больно лошадка мала), Жеребца ломового (тут сила нужна), Только с ёжика, брат, не возьмёшь ни рожна.

Можно трахнуть быка (с высоты сундука), И лису, если верить словам знатока, Кое-кто говорит, можно трахнуть жука, Только ёжика, братцы, не трахнешь никак.

Энтомолог сказал - можно трахнуть осу, Герпетолог сказал - и змею (на весу), Можно трахнуть любую зверушку в лесу, Только ёжика - нет, заруби на носу.

Можно трахнуть слона (тут стремянка нужна И матрас, для того, чтоб, упав со слона, Уцелела спина - высота не страшна!) Только ёжика трахнуть нельзя ни хрена.

Можно трахнуть кота (это просто мечта!), Можно кролика трахнуть, из шляпы достав, Можно трахнуть дельфина и даже кита Только с ёжиком выйдет одна маета.

CHORUS

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell

Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell

A troll can be rocky if down you should fall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter

Or pego a pig after parting his trotters

Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur

To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer

The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat

Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat

Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing

Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,

Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

But I have to say this as a warning to you:

With almost all animals, you can have ball

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 1: The spines on his back are too sharp for a man

They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can

The result I think you'll find will appall:

The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a horse can often be fun

An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton

Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 2: The spines on his back are so awful thick

you'll end up with naught but a painful prick.

He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball,

Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo

Will be entertaining to both her and you

Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 3: (So here's to the hedgehog, he's sharp as they come

You'll never get through his impregnable bum